Naked Babies and Va-Jay-Jays

Life has contined to move along in our household, even if I never update this site.  You'll notice a new title, which is to tie this blog into a local radio show I may be getting in the near future.  Nothing fancy, but still exciting.  We'll see if it pans out.  Either way, I like the new title, because that is who I am.  I am an open book and I tell it like it is.  Welcome to Mouthy Mother.

After having four kids, my ability to "hold it" is pretty low.  in fact, its become quite a pain, especially when I have a cold, or allergies.  One cough or sneeze and I am off to my room to change my pants.  Yes, yes, gross, but come on, who reading this isn't going through the same thing?  If your'e not, then good for you.  I've had this issue since having my first kid, and after a particularly embarrassing moment at a cross training class at the gym, I asked my OB what I could do about it.  He told me about the surgerys that could help, but suggested I get all my kids out of the way before doing it.

Well, the last kid was born almost 2 years ago and at my last OB appointment the doc asked me if I had any other concerns and I said, "yeah, I'm tired of peeing on myself."  She said, "Oh, we can help with that!" and before I knew it, I was in physical therapy for my vag and scheduling a urethra sling procedure.  The surgery was done this past week and I was pretty nervous.  Not only because I would have to wear (wear?...is that right?) a catheter home, but because after four kids, I am tired of my lady bits being messed with.  I didn't know what to expect pain wise.  The surgery took about 20 minutes, which sucked, because I would have liked a longer sleep! I also begged them to let me stay at the hopsital, but they refused.  They kept asking why I would want to stay at a dirty hospital and risk infection.  Aparently having four crumbgrabbers at home wasn't reason enough.

I'll admit, having the catheter in SUCKED.  My husband was a champ though and he took care of everything for me.  What a guy.  "Do you take this woman to be your wife, to have and to hold, to empty her catheter when its full?"..."I DO".  anyway, The next day the packing (yes, sorry, forgot to mention they packed up the vaj for a 14 week stay at the met) and the catheter came out.  Taking the packing out felt like they were taking my intestines out.  I swear he packed a king size sheet in there, which doesn't surprise me..hello, four kids.  I have room.  Once the catheter came out, I was a new person.  Things have gone well, I have no pain and the only down is that I can't life more than 4 lbs for six weeks, which is nearly impossible, but I am trying my best because I don't want to screw this up.  Not peeing on myself when I run bases during kickball...LIFE CHANGING I tell ya!

Thankfully our littlest bundle (who will be 2 in April) is in a bed now.  Well, he isn't in the crib.  We put him in a bed, but he usually ends up someplace else between the time we put him to bed and check on him.  The other night, I went to check on him and found this:

I usually put zipper jammies on him backwards so that he can't strip, but none were clean, so I had to make due with regular tops and bottoms.  I came into the room and noticed three areas where he had peed, then looked up to find him sleeping on the ottomen like this.  It doesn't even look comfortable!  Why do kids hate sleep so much.  He has a nice bed with warm blankets and instead of drifting off into sweet slumber, he gets up, strips, pisses on the floor, then falls asleep half hanging off this tiny ottoman.  seriously.

Happy New Year (I guess)

2013 has begun, and we are all still here.  Come on, who out there thought the world would end in December?  Raise your hands, you know you're out there and secretly spent the day going through moments of pure panic while you waited for that blast, or rush of silence to signal the end.  How did you feel when it didn't happen?

Well, the world is still spinning, and according to the show, "How the Universe Works", will be for a few more million or billion years.  That said, its time to move on and begin the new year, which is getting harder to do each year.  I mean, its fun to have a new year to look forward to.  I always think about how each of my kids will be a year older and how fast they are growing up.  Then I think about how I will be a year older and how fast I am "GROWING".  Seriously.

I have posted about this to no end, I know, I know.  I used to be in excellent shape before kids, I tried losing the baby weight, blahblahblahblah.  Here in the south, it seems I am surrounded by a plethora of blond bombshell housewives with 3, 4, 6 kids that are toothpicks, and I really have no idea how they do it short of starving themselves thin.  I have four kids, and have been over 200 lbs for 3 years.  It sucks nuts.

I could blame a few things, the number one thing being my inability to make working out and eating right a priority in my daily routine.  Then there are the meds that keep me from going off the deep end.  Those tend to cause weight gain, but one actually promotes weight loss, so maybe between the two of them, I am breaking even.  I am old(er).  I keep hearing after 35, losing weight is nearly impossible, so what the damn point, right?

Recently, I tried to train for a half marathon.  I was doing well, then got sick and just bagged it all together.  Truth is, I hate to run and have done a half before, so I convinced myself there was really no reason to continue doing something I really hated.  With the end of my training, went the end of going to the gym or working out all together.  I was exhausted from training, and needed a "break".  That break lasted from August until now, today, where it will continue.  Sure, I work around the house and keep up with four kids, that's hard stuff, but its not a zumba class, or a short walk on a treadmill.  I've decided to think about training for a triathlon.  Those are more fun for this ADD mama.  We'll see if I stick with it.

But, alas, life is what it is.  I will see friends and family this year at the same weight I was a year ago, even though a year ago I vowed to change before the next meeting.  I wonder what makes folks like me continue to just give up and not really follow through.  There are plenty of things I do follow through with at home, maybe those are more important.  Who knows.  One thing is for sure, I wouldn't mind having this ass again (orange shorts)!

You're Welcome

Do you like Rock and Roll?  Do you have kids that talk back?  If you answered yes to both, then this song is for you.



Recently, I discovered Pearl Jams cover of this great Clash song while listening to their Sirius XM channel (yes, I am huge nerd for Pearl Jam).  It fits my life perfectly.

When the kids start to talk back, I turn my life into a Glee episode and break into this song and sing it right to their faces.  It either startles them enough to shut 'em up, or makes them laugh and move on from whatever they've been fighting me on.

DON'T GIMME NO LIP!

Pottery Barn Can Suck It

I don't know why I did it, but I "liked" Pottery Barn Kid's page on Facebook.  They don't share photos often, but when they do, it makes me feel like a shit head of a mom/home maker.  I mean really...Is this really what I can expect from a well organized home? Is this realistic in someone's house?  Of COURSE I want a makeshift manger for my baby Jesus kids, but who has time for this?  Not to mention, WHOSE KID IS THIS NEAT?????






Then there is this Gem.  I have one daughter, and she is a princess.  A princess ninja with three brothers.  Having a room this girly may never be an option for her, but oh, how I wish it were.  Fluffy bedding, wispy curtains draped on a canopy bed, all with matching bedding and enough pillows to make the Duchess jealous.  Of course, only the Duchess can afford this!







Lets not forget the boys!!  First up is this lovely Star Wars themed room.  Complete with the galaxy on the wall with constellations outlined (because we all have that kind of time.).  Please note that every throw pillow from the collection must be purchased to make this room perfect.  I mean, my kids will just end up tossing these pillows on the floor, where they will spill water/juice/food...etc all over them.  But oh how I wish I could get the beds made like this!







This last picture is my secret favorite (not a secret anymore).  Not only would I need to purchase a new home to get these windows in the right place, but I would also need to purchase said home in the mountains to complete the "look".  Obviously a log cabin would work.  This is a look I would like to have in my boys rooms.  I love the bunk beds, as they add a lot of extra floor space for the Lego explosion, but having the "my three sons" looking bedroom.  I adore it.



Sadly, it is my lot in life... to just be happy to have beds for my children that are covered with mismatched blankets and pillows.  It doesn't even look "shabby chic" it just look shabby, but they don't care.  I don't think any kid really looks at a potter barn kids catalog and says, "ohhh, I love that look!"  I do have one confession to make.  I did buy matching sheets and blankets ONCE (JUST ONCE) from Pottery Barn kids and use them on the regular in our boys rooms.  Maybe once day when they are old enough to care (if that happens, it may for my daughter, but my boys...probably not), I will have the time to put something together for them.

Citizen Dick

I can't believe this was ever cool

A friend of mine started a post on facebook about some trends that are coming back into style from when we were in middle and high school.  Namely the urban outfitters acid wash denim back pack.  This lead to a flurry of posts about the fashions of our yester years, including the acid wash skinny jeans with the zipper at the ankle, acid wash pleated jeans with the fold down top, and the grunge look.

That last one holds a special place in my heart, as it was my style.  Of course, I never actually dressed to much like that because my parents would not have allowed it, but I did wear my black, and flannel, and listened to Pearl Jam, Sound Garden, and Nirvana ad nauseum.

The usual outfits

You really can not even imagine just how much living in Seattle was like a dream come true.  That place was in my blood way before I ever stepped foot on its soil.  Sure, it rains a ridiculous amount and is gray 9 out of 12 months of the year, but the people, the fashion, the culture...they are all me.  I found myself living there, and I will never forget my friends, who quickly became my family.  Friends that grew up in the NW and slowly taught this girl from the south the ways of the North Westerner.  Wool socks with Tevas because you never know how cold it will get, recycling like my life depended on it (because to them, it truly did), being kind, being open, being helpful, loving everyone.  Letting go of trying to be what others wanted and, instead, being what I wanted.

Oldest at 2.5.
  He will be a Seattlite for life.

It was hard to be so far from my family, but it was worth the experience and the life lessons.  It was worth it to find myself and be around people that kept me true to myself.  Some days, I find it hard to be away from them, from my city.

In honor of Seattle, and those that inspired me, I am declaring today, "Citizen Dick" day in my house and will be listening to all those bands that kept me rocking in high school and keep me rocking today!  (only a few weeks until I see Pearl Jam in Atlanta!!!)