I'm an American Girl. Me, not you, crazy Ginger Ke$ha

You know that meme that goes around every now and then with Beyonce and Freddy Mercury? Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Anyway, I often feel this way when I hear the lyrics to today's songs.  One in particular that has a catchy beat, but the lyrics make me insane, is called "American Girl". Its performed (and written) by Bonnie McKee (someone I have dubbed, the ginger version for Ke$ha...aka, hot mess with red hair). Maybe its a look, since she is nearly 30, and I would think she knows better. Then again maybe I'm just getting old and crotchety. I also haven't overlooked that maybe its a song making fun of the Ke$ha's of the world, but seriously, the fact that this woman is getting paid big money to rhyme "la" with "fa" BLOWS my mind. This is in reference to all the songs she has co-written. She helped co-write "Dynamite" performed by Tao Cruz.  Really? a 5th grader could write that song (and don't get all, "well why don't you write a song if its so easy" with me. I am not claiming to have any lyrical ability, I just feel like they could be a bit more...I don't know...thoughtful?).  Anyway, The song in question has the following lyrics (my notes in Red):

I fell in love in a 7/11 parking lot (pure Klass with a "k" right there)
Sat on the curb drinking slurpees we mixed with alcohol (OK, maybe that's a thing I would do, but I have a car and I would drive back to my house before mixing them up)
We talked about all our dreams and how we would show 'em all (whoa oh oh oh) (How many of us have actually made the "big dreams" we come up with while sitting in a 7-11 parking lot, drunk on sugar and alcohol (rubbing, bourbon, vodka, she isn't specific) come true? I mean really?)
I told him I got a plan and I'm gonna dominate (this "he" is probably thinking about some pretty kinky mess and getting pretty excited at this point)
And I don't need any man to be getting in my way (total buzz kill for "he" at this point. He should bail)
But if you talk with your hands then we can negotiate (whoa oh oh oh) (you're sending "he" mixed signals at best. Do you want him to feel you up, or are you going to do that on your own?)
I just keep moving my body (yeah) (probably to keep warm because you're living in a 7-11 parking lot and who knows what season it is. get a cardboard box at least).
I'm always ready to party (yeah) (who wouldn't be, with a big gulp sized slurpee mixed with alcohol? Mobile party right there.)
No I don't listen to mommy (yeah) (Obviously, or you would have stayed in school and been drinking a real drink at a real bar, not in the parking lot of 7-11. )
And I'll never say that I'm sorry. (Rude.)

Oh I'm an American girl (are you saying this is what all American girls are like? if so, I take issue. I am an American girl and I don't drink in the parking lot of my local gas station.)
Hot blooded and I'm ready to go (most of us are hot blooded, unless you're part of the X-men crew, then you have other issues) I'm loving taking over the world (How exactly are you doing this while getting drunk in a 7-11 parking lot?)
Hot blooded, all american girl (Whoa) (thanks for the second "hotblooded" reference.  I was all, "are you sure you're hot blooded? You can never be too sure." and when you re-sang it, I thought, "yeah, she's totally hotblooded, she said it twice.") I was raised by a television (no argument here.)
Every day is a competition (Who are you competing against? the hobo in the opposite corner of the parking lot? If so, give up, that guy is a pro). Put the key in my ignition (Oh-way-oh) (a. you don't have a car, and b. I'm pretty sure you're just being a ho-bag when you say that, not actually asking someone to start a car for you, because really, I doubt you have one).

That's pretty much the gist. besides repeating most of the above, she goes on about getting drunk and partying. I believe there's a mad-libs out there for writing songs these days. just add your own noun, adjectives, verbs, and pro-nouns and you have a hit!  You can pick it up at Old Navy in the "impulse buy" area of the line next to the Dora coloring book and the fake mustaches.

Although I will fully admit to listening to pop hits today and liking them because I am a nerd that likes a good beat, I couldn't let this one slide. I'm off to listen to some Rock for a bit to cleanse my brain.


  1. This is hilarious! Totally made me laugh out loud (and I'm at work and not supposed to be on the internet) ;)

  2. uh-oh, hope you didn't get caught! They had the ability to track the sites we went to when I was in the corporate world. Luckily my boss didn't care so long as my work got done. This was before facebook. I would have been canned for sure if I had discovered that gem while working full time. Good thing I can't get fired from this gig.

  3. Highly entertaining. Keep on blogging and I'll keep on reading!

  4. Alexia Midlothian VaJanuary 25, 2016

    As a teacher and mother and human--- Thanks for this letter ... I have no time to write her or even address because I am too busy catching up my school work, raising my own children and working a second job so I can still teach ❤��